ellipsanet | 01; un: GRTEXPLSNMRDRGDDYNMT

I'm sure plenty of people disagree with me but:

A hero is someone who protects others, even if it's hard. Especially if it's hard.

A villain hurts others when they don't have to.

Which I am probably depends on who you ask. I don't think the good I've done outweighs the bad, so I guess I'm working on it.

[ Just hoping no one pops on here to argue with her about it, at least not publicly. Or privately. In fact people she knows can just be quiet shhhh ]

Edited 2023-03-11 01:09 (UTC)

Have you done anything in your past that you'd consider villainous?

[ only the greatest shame of her life no big ]

I absolutely have. I don't really know why I did it, though. And I don't mean that philosophically, I don't have all my memories intact.

People have insisted there must be some reason out of my control but even if they're right, there's still no excuse.

I see. A villain who doesn't remember being a villain, yet knows that they've done villainous things.

That sounds like a load of bullshit to me.

[ sdklsgj you're the same in any incarnation!!! ]

My species has long hibernations and we wake up not remembering anything. I only get flashes at a time.

Is this how it works, I admit something I'm deeply ashamed of and you turn it into a way to score points?

Score points where? Can you blame me for not immediately believing you when you say you "don't remember" doing shit that you said yourself was villainous? It sounds sketchy!

I remember doing it, and I remember not being in control of myself, but I don't remember why. You're applying human standards to someone who isn't human. Don't you think I want to remember? I'd sure sleep a lot better if I knew why I did what I did so I could prevent it ever happening again.

If you didn't want to take people at their word, why did you ask?

Am I supposed to just take everyone for their word and not be skeptical if something sounds fishy? So sorry. Next time I'll make sure to stop having independent thought!

Oh, and I'll make sure to not use my measly human logic next time too so I don't upset every alien I DON'T KNOW IS AN ALIEN by not using their stupid alien standards instead!

If I had bad intentions, don't you assume I'd just lie and say "no I've never done anything bad"?

For that matter, wouldn't I make up some reason instead of admit I can't remember everything? Lying is easy when you don't have a conscience.

I don't know what aliens would and wouldn't lie about! I only know what I've experienced and that's apparently not enough!

I said myself that there's no excuse for it. Why would I say that if I didn't regret it?

Right now you're judging me because I said I did something bad, despite that you don't even know what it was and that I said I want not to do that again. Is that what a hero does? Or are you going to tell me that the only way to help me is to kill me? [ Because if so her immortal ass has some deeply bad news for you kid ]

You think I'm lying about regretting what I did, apparently, and about my amnesia, but you believe me about having done something awful and you believe I'm not human. It doesn't make sense that I'd tell the truth about things that I know damn well will sound bad and not the things that wouldn't.

Heroes aren't supposed to be non-judemental saints. They're supposed to sniff out who does and doesn't have ill intentions, and stop anyone who does. I ain't the kind of Hero who goes around saving people from themselves, I'm the kind who saves people from OTHERS so if you're dealing with some inner struggle and are hoping for someone to take your hand and tell you it's okay you're not going to get that from me.

I don't know if you're lying about any of this shit, but it's literally my job to act on it if I feel like something sounds wrong. And maybe I AM wrong, fine! I'm willing to admit that!

But you can't deny that it sounds too convenient to blame amnesia for a wrongdoing!

What part of "there's no excuse" is my blaming amnesia for it, or anything or anyone else for that matter?

I've seen Villains say and do the stupidest shit, you can't blame me for not immediately believing you!

It seems like you only believe the things that make you think bad of me, and not any of the rest of what I've said.

Would it matter even slightly if I said the way you're acting now is my greatest fear? That nothing good I've done -- and there actually has been plenty, at great personal cost if you don't think I'm lying again -- could possibly make up for that one terrible thing? That there's no point in even trying because it's all anyone will ever see?

You make things sound really simple. I wish I had the luxury of believing that people are either all good or all bad, never any in between. Life just doesn't work that way. Not even the bad people I've had to stop work that way.

[You know, if it weren't for her wife asking him politely to back it off a little bit, Katsuki would probably keep going just for his pride's sake. But he's grown enough to know when to leave someone be... it does seem like she's being genuine, anyway. He's just stubborn as hell.]

Listen, I sympathize with doing things you shouldn't have and growing from them... I guess. It depends on the action you originally did if you will ever make up for what happened, is what I think.
You agreed when I asked if it was a "villainous" action and from where I'm from, the word "Villain" and any of the words that derive from it all have a lot of HEAVY meaning to them.

From where I'm from, Villains DON'T learn from their mistakes and grow. They tend to get more bitter the more they get called out on their bullshit, and when you extend a hand to them they will use that against you before using it to better themselves. I can't let my guard down if I want to be a good Hero.

I'm willing to say that I was wrong but if I were you, if your greatest fear really is having someone judge you for your past mistakes, then don't wear those mistakes on your sleeve.

Edited 2023-03-11 06:22 (UTC)

[ Part of her appreciates the quasi-olive branch, even if coerced, however she also sees that bullshit about vampires happening up yonder, the judgement coming off this person feels intense on all sides. But it seems like either they're a kid or had a very sheltered, very curated life. And part of her does indeed agree with him that she's unforgivable. ]

I always felt like hiding it would only compound how wrong it was. That's how people dodge responsibility, right? And, ironically enough, lying about who I am.

I don't think I'm a hero, if that helps. I never would claim that. It took me a while to believe that I wasn't all bad, that's all. I'm at least several centuries old, so I mean a long while. [ She's still not convinced, some days. Most days. ]

You can hide it until you feel comfortable enough to tell someone about it, you know. You don't have to walk around with a big neon sign that says I DID A BAD THING IN MY PAST hanging around your neck. You can just do better and shut up about what you did before.

It doesn't help me if you consider yourself a Hero. I'm not trying to figure out who the Heroes are, I'm trying to figure out who the Villains are. But you're not one of them, right?

Edited (forgot to finish a sentence ) 2023-03-11 07:25 (UTC)

I'm not wearing a sign, I was answering a question. I didn't know it was a loaded one.

So... you're thinking that people who have supervillainy on their short list of fun things to get up to here will reply and tell you so?

Is that usually how it works? [ It seems deeply naïve to the point of farce, but then again his view of the world does seem incredibly simplistic. ]

Like I said, I've seen Villains say and do some incredibly stupid shit. You'd be surprised how many people are eager to brag about their "accomplishments".

I've known a lot of people in my long life. The bad ones I've remembered so far, they tell you to your face that they're going to slit your throat.
The worse ones smile in your face and then stab you in the back when you start to trust them.

The absolute worst of them will play a long game, earning people's trust and slowly get them on their side. They'll manipulate and abuse them until they don't know which way is up. Then they'll send that person out to do their bidding while their hands stay clean.

I hope your way works, I'm sure some of them will announce themselves, but I've seen way too many of worse and worst to think it'll catch all of them. [ And you just told them you're looking for them you absolute dunderhead ]

[...tch.]

"The absolute worst of them will play a long game, earning people's trust and slowly get them on their side. They'll manipulate and abuse them until they don't know which way is up. Then they'll send that person out to do their bidding while their hands stay clean."

Yet you got so huffy when I explained my mistrust in you. As if I didn't already know this about the worst of them.

If I were one of those I wouldn't have admitted anything in the first place, let alone attached my username to it. [ Logic, please. ]

If you're making yourself a target on purpose, that's brave, but... [ dangerous. And, given how powerful she is -- and she has to assume she's not the strongest one -- it's not the smartest move. ]

Acting reformed is an easy way to gain trust, but whatever you say.

Anyway don't worry about the ethics of what I'm doing, if I am or am not trying to make myself a target. No one even knows what I look like, anyway. And even if they did, I'd kick their ass if they tried anything.

Not that you'll believe it, but I'm strong enough for any Villain who comes my way. I ain't even worried.

[ "I'm strong enough for any villain who comes my way" oh that settles it this is absolutely a child. ]

Good. Prove it. If I'm as bad as you think, I've got an ass-kicking coming, right? [ She honestly doesn't want to do this, but if it'll get this punk to stop sticking his neck out... ]

un: gaine

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