ellipsanet | 003: Nature of humanity (Anon Text)

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003: Nature of humanity (Anon Text)

[Since the mission to the mines, Rider hadn't been able to shake her mixed feelings on her own inhuman nature. About whether someone turned into a monster remained as such, even if stripped of their power. And whilst she tried to warm up in a Frostreign cafe, having been hit with the dreaded affection-slush, now seemed as good a time as any to get the network's thoughts.

She posted anonymously, but... it would not surprise her if anyone who knew her well guessed immediately. Ah well.]

I have been thinking about a few things since that expedition where we lost our powers. If philosophical questions are not unwelcome, then I had a few of my own now that things seem more settled here.

[Typical Rider, only acting on her own internal conflicts when she thought everyone else was taken care of.]

Do not feel pressured to reply. I have been a monster for a long time. I never considered the possibility of returning to how I once was before that. But, if such an irreversible physical change as that proves to actually be reversible by this world's power, is it as simple as that, or is someone's spirit truly changed by what they became? If the latter, then what is it that makes someone 'human' or ‘not human’? Or whether someone is a 'monster', or not? ... Unrelatedly, that gang's threats about targeting Frostreign with rainstorms was apparently not an empty one.

[She hadn't realised that her plan to hide indoors to warm up would only activate the slush's effects. Well, that was a problem for when she was not anonymous.]

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This feels like a difficult question to answer...

I guess if yer talkin' about the literal sense, it's about some science mumbo jumbo?? I'm not very smart, though, so I couldn't tell ya the details 'bout that.

But otherwise, it'd all be 'bout how ya act and how ya see yerself.

[Not a username she recognised...hm.]

Then you think our actions and perception define us more than our nature? Why is that?

'Cause people change, all the time.

I suppose so. I admit I do feel different to when I first arrived here, and even to how I did a year and a half ago.

[The incident where she rampaged in Ellipsa as Gorgon...the summer before last, right? Huh. Longer ago than she first thought.]

I hope that, on balance, I have changed for the better. Have you been in this world long?

Nope. I just got here... a month ago, I think.

I dunno. Everyone seems to think a lot about this kinda thing. I've heard a lot of different things now about what makes someone human, or a monster, or whether it even has to do with your species, or whether or not it's good or bad. I've kinda been thinking a lot about it because of that, too.

But I think... I dunno. What I think is that you're you, and you're who you are and what that feels like, right? Everyone has all these things to try and define other people, but it makes more sense to just let them tell you who they are and believe them. And if it's something that doesn't make sense to you, then maybe that just means you need to learn.

I am surprised to not be the only one dwelling on questions like this. But you have been thinking about this as well?

[Rinku too... that came as a surprise, given the girl's nature.]

Do you not think defining ourselves is a little difficult, when the perception of others is so influential?

[A Heroic Spirit was in part defined by their legends, after all.]

You mean like image and stuff? Yeah, I guess so... But if you let other people say who you are all the time, you're never gonna be able to choose it for yourself. And then everything's gonna suck.

[...About the answer she expected. A small smile crept into her face at that.]

I do not hate being a symbol for others, but I dislike them insulting me or using me however they want. I suppose those are different things.

[She noted that avoidance of her initial question, though. She'd need to come back to that.]

I wouldn't wanna get insulted or anything like that either. But being a symbol... I guess that's like what Levi-san said about how being famous is a lot of responsibility? Lots of things are a lot of responsibility and it's still good to do them, though. Sometimes that's hard, like if someone's yelling at you at work, or if it's like school, I sucked at that. But sometimes it's still really nice.

Yes, I think Levi is right about that. When your name is well known, it does come with a weight, even if you choose to ignore it. You said you had been thinking about what makes someone human, too?

Yeah. Because it feels like it's important to a lot of people, and every time anyone brings it up, it's like it means something different.

I think that people's spirits are changed by their experiences, in the sense that going through any radical transformation would change a person even if their body were to revert to its original state. But I don't think that's exclusive to monsterhood? That's kind of just how change works. Do you want to be human again, if it's possible?

[...and now her brain gets consumed with thoughts of Evangeline cuddles. Oops.]

I suppose so. I think even just being summoned to this world has changed me, too. Whether I want to be human again, though... that is a difficult question, and I am not sure I have an answer. But accepting that I may have changed too much for that to be possible is difficult as well.

[And these two matters were the crux of what she was trying to figure out by fielding questions to the network.]

I think that, even if you become physically human, your experiences as a monster will still influence who you are. But that doesn't mean you wouldn't be human - just a human who used to be something else.

I think that is a reasonable assumption. That part of myself cannot be willed away even if my body were to change.

[Her Spirit Origin was that of a being cursed to become a monster- there was only so much that could be altered.]

To be honest, I find it a little difficult to focus on what I 'want' to start with. Thinking about what is possible is a little easier... I am not sure when I started giving myself the time to think about how I should exist, or what I want the future to look like for myself. Without thinking of what others might need from me, I mean.

Thinking about what you want when you're not used to having the choice is a lot, I get it. I think it's possible for a monster to physically become a human again.

It is a lot, yes. I did not think it would be quite as difficult as it is. I think you would be annoyed if I did take that option.

[A half attempt at a joke- which, in hindsight, she figured might fall flat if Evangeline had somehow not realised who she was talking to- but then again, with her tendency to put everyone else's views first... perhaps it would fall flat regardless.]

But, I am also not sure that is actually what would be best.

I would never be annoyed at anything that made you happy?

[She is pretty sure this is Medusa, and that Medusa would think she would be upset about something that could give her comfort... Feels bad! Don't like it.]

I did not mean

[...And that's it for a good couple of minutes, before; ]

I meant that I do not think becoming human again would make me happy. I should apologise, the slush that gang dumped over me earlier is making it difficult to focus. I thought warming myself up would help but it seems to have done the opposite.

Oh! I can come over and hug you, that would work better?

[Let her warm you up (not innuendo) (unless?)]

Please

[Then, within a couple of seconds; ]

If you are not busy. I do not want to interrupt if you are in the middle of something important.

[No need to check on her if literally anything else at all came up!]

I'm not busy. Where are you?

Frostreign, but I do not want to stay much longer. I could head toward Amberfall?

[Evangeline may have a touch-starved, soggy snake turn up on her doorstep at this rate-]

Come right over, I'll unlock the door for you.

Thank you.

[The fact that Evangeline made no question of who she was implied one of two things; that she would make a similar offer to anyone in Ellipsa, or more likely, she had figured her out already.

Not that Medusa really considered this until she'd already dematerialised and started her way toward Evangeline's place...

And soon enough (surely, to Evangeline's great surprise), Medusa manifested on her doorstep- giving a quick knock before letting herself in.]

...Evangeline?

Hi, Medusa.

[Not surprised at all. She's in her living room on the couch.]

Come cuddle with me?

[No hesitation at all as she kicks off her boots, and comes over to cuddle up to her. She's a little damp from the slush, but would soon warm up.]

Mm... it is good to see you...

You too.

[She hugs Medusa close and kisses her cheek.]

If this happens again, just call me instead of trying to tough it out on your own, okay?

[Evangeline gives very good cuddles...almost immediately, the affects of that slush started to ease, as Rider wrapped her arms around her, making a small contented noise.]

...I had thought I could distract myself on the network until I warmed up... it did not work as well as I thought.

But... thank you, I will make sure to call you, next time.

[She knew her so well... toughing it out on her own was the usual way of things.]

[Nuzz nuzz nuzz. Evangeline sighs contentedly.]

Snuggling with me is more enjoyable than distracting yourself, right?

[She'll be hurt if Medusa says no!]

Mmm. So much so that I do not want to leave...

[Giving Evangeline's neck a little kiss before settling back in her arms, eyes half-closed in content.]

I definitely wouldn't mind you moving in.

[Playing with her hair...]

Never having been human myself, I can only offer the opinion of a friend: humanity is a choice. It is to look at the things that might make you something else, be it god or monster, and to turn away from them.

[Well, if anyone were to figure her out, she supposed it would probably be another Servant... still, Rider at least tried to maintain some illusion of anonymity.]

I had not thought about it as a choice before now. Not a choice of our own.

[The Gods could do as they wished, after all.]

Can we really turn away from parts of ourselves like that? Should we?

"Turn away" was perhaps the wrong way to say it. Simply ignoring it would be counterproductive. But knowing what that part of you wants and refusing it? It may be difficult, but it is possible for even Berserkers and Avengers as long as they are at least somewhat lucid. My friend was always insistent on seeing the best in everyone, even those who insisted they were monsters.

Edited 2025-05-04 23:55 (UTC)

[Frieda knows that this topic is bound to channel her inner Karl Reiss, so she opts to respond anonymously - she's drawn the ire of her fellow Eldians (some of them, at least) enough lately without broadcasting a philosophy that most of them reject wholesale with her name attached.]

There's monstrosity of the mind, and monstrosity of the body. It sounds like in your case, the latter applies. Were you affected by one of the local transformation afflictions? (You don't have to answer; I'm just curious.)

If your body changed, but you committed no harm, it's up for debate whether you're a monster or a person, and perhaps it is indeed up to you to determine your nature (though others may assume it based on your appearance). But if you have committed monstrous deeds, then you are a monster, and would be even if you had retained a human(oid) form.

[Having learned of the reversal of the past Eldian oppression in modern-day Marley during her time here, there's a twinge of protest in her mind - isn't that kind of monstrous cruelty inherent in all human(oids)? As such, can the line really be drawn as clearly as she did? She attempts to soften her words somewhat:]

That said, even if this is the case, we cannot change the past. We can only be our best selves in the present.

[Interesting. Not a way of writing she recognised, but their clear cut views were plainly apparent.

...Her own situation easily mapped to this mindset.]

It began with the latter, a long time before I was summoned to this world. A curse. Sooner or later, my spirit lost its humanity in turn. When we travelled to the mines, my body became human, but it felt disconnected from how much my mind had changed. I suppose that fits with your definition of a monster, then?

I suppose so.

[She can't be 100% certain if she'd say so, not without knowing what her conversation partner has done, but losing one's humanity in body and mind is arguably enough to qualify one as a monster. A curse, though...]

You have my sympathy. For what it's worth, I'm a monster too, through my cursed blood.

[She wonders, now - regardless of the titan powers residing inside her, and regardless of the blood on her hands, she's generally still seen and perceived as a human. A mercy and a useful charade, allowing her to live among the innocent as if she were one of them. What is it like for one who's outwardly different?]

Having experienced that disconnect, are you glad to have your monstrous form back?

There was an expedition where people lost their powers? I can look it up later though, if you have a name.

{ but honestly her thoughts here have been something he's had to turn a blind eye to, kind of mull over--stew on--over the time he's been here so far. }

I don't think it's as simple as what you put though. Good or Evil, all that, doesn't it really depend on the person inside and what they want? Their motivations?

{ really he has to believe this now, considering what was happening back home for him. he can't believe that his newfound friend is a bad person when he's seen him struggle against what has essentially been forced on him from his parentage. }

A lot of it is probably in your own head.

[Another unfamiliar username. A newcomer, perhaps, if they had arrived after the Mine mission.]

Yes, I think it was November, we travelled into the Crystal Mines for an expedition. Everyone who went inside found that their both their powers from home and Ellipsa disappeared. You are not the first to say that a person's motivations and nature are the most important here. Perhaps I am overthinking this. But I am not necessarily saying that being 'human' is the same as being 'good', either.

{ very much a newcomer. }

Sounds like it was a while ago then. That sucks though, especially if the ones from home went as well.

And I agree with that. There are plenty of humans that are definitely what people would define as 'evil'. Just like how I've learned here that there are demons that I'd consider 'good'. It's what goes on in your head that really matters. The choices you make. How you live your life, things like that.

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003: Nature of humanity (Anon Text)

UN: psychicgirl; text

Anon

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un:happyaround

Anon

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un: abnormalitylover, text

Least subtle anon continues to be least subtle

we love her

Uno reverso

wah

Counting down how many tags it'll take Rider to ask for cuddles

deserved!!

Darn affection slush

definitely the only reason for her prioritizing others and neglecting her own feelings, 100%

Yup 100% no issues here

darn gang members

Cups gang cackles

Re: Cups gang cackles

> Action!

Re: > Action!

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UN: FKGawain, text

Least subtle anon continues to be least subtle

"Everyone" totally doesn't mean Gorgon, nope.

Anonymous

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un: flex; text

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